Monday, April 7, 2008

Dom's Dish - So many fools, So little time Edition

Dom's Dish - Monday, April 7, 2008


With the second edition of the Dish this month, I am going to exposesome recent "Fools" in sports and entertainment. Without furtherado...

Brett Favre, retired (so he says) QB of the Green Bay Packers - Well it's been more than a month since Brett retired, or has it? After the teary-eyed farewell, word was abound last week that Brett's agent was"putting feelers out" to see if there was interest to have him playfor another team in 2008. The report from a well-respected columnist in Los Angeles is not at all surprising since Brett hasn't filed his retirement papers yet. Now some note that a reason to file is so your pension can kick in and since Brett made millions, it's a moot point. I say, if you're that convincing that you're done, then put them in anyway so the temptation isn't there. Look at Vinny Testaverde - he came back time and time again when sitting on his couch. Imagine Favre wearing a Patriots or Raiders jersey?

Brian McNamee, former trainer to Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite -News came last week that Mr. McNamee was selling "signed items of Roger Clemens" on eBay. This, just a few weeks after fainting behind the wheel of his Lexus in Queens, NY which caused him to hit a bus head on. For those that missed the rest of the news on Brian - he is the trainer who was named in the Mitchell report and had "evidence" of Roger Clemens using HGH and steroids that was sitting in his basement for the past 7 years or so. Riiiiiggghhht.

Tom Crean, Head Coach Indiana University basketball - Big news early last week was that Tom Crean, the former coach at Marquette accepted the head coach vacancy at Indiana University. Perhaps someone should clue Mr. Crean in. Indiana Basketball is not what it once was in the days of Bobby Knight (who, by the way, is hysterical as an analyst on ESPN now) and Isiah Thomas (who, by the way, sucks as a coach and will soon be fired). Indiana as a state hasn't been good at basketball professionally since Reggie Miller (2003-ish) and collegiately since Larry Bird (1979). Before taking the job, didn't Crean even research what had happened this year with Kelvin Sampson's firing and the probable impending sanctions and really recent dismissals? Now I know Marquette did well in the Big East, but why leave now? Also, can someone PLEASE explain how Marquette, of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, is inthe BIG EAST? Irregardless, good luck Crean. I still say you look like Jay Glauber of the NY Daily News.

Brandon Marshall, Wide Receiver Denver Broncos - For those fantasy football gurus, you, like me, probably didn't know who he was until last season week 4 when you picked him up on the Waiver Wire and he led your team to a championship. Ok, maybe not that far, but he worked out well for a second year player. Now, entering his thirdseason Marshall is living up to his "Baby T.O." nickname (I kid you not!) Mid-week he was called out by his fellow 2006 draftee and starting QB Jay Cutler (aka "Coosh"). In an interview Cutler/Coosh let everyone know that "he's not my favorite person right now." Why you ask? Well he's facing possible domestic assault charges from a girlfriend, more charges from a DUI in Colorado, and there's an offseason injury to speak of. About 3 weeks ago he suffered an injury which he said he "slipped on a fast food wrapper" into a TV. Really though, he was horsing around with his brother and the arm went through a TV severing NERVES in his arm, etc. Three months or so of rehab. Fool. I have one word for you Brandon - PLASMA.

Chris Henry, Unemployed Wide Receiver - Formerly of the Cincinnati Bengals AKA Cell Block C, Chris was jailed after another run-in with the law (if you can call it that). He was arrested for assault of an 18 year old man and damaging his property- broke his car window, this a week after an expired license plate. Some more background, he was suspended for 8 games to begin last season after his multiple arrests and detainment for underage drinking, marijuana, DUI's, assault and sexual assault. That's a fine American youth right there. I think he and "Pacman" Jones of the Titans (former teammates together at West Virginia University) have some sort of running bet on how much havoc they can wreak and still remain in the NFL getting paid millions. Well Chris Henry has no team at this point, and I'm sure Commissioner Goodell will add to the already 11 games he's been suspended for in the past (in just 48 regular season games). Give this man a duncecap!

The Detroit Tigers - Well after starting the season 0-3 losing to ever-horrible Kansas City Royals (and our favorite pitcher, Gil Meche- the $55 million man), it couldn't have gotten worse...until losing to another in-division team, the Chicago I can't find my White Sox. I think the Beatles sang "You can't buy me love" - well someone should let the Tigers' GM know money can't buy them wins. Sorry, make that ONE win. With all the noise they made in the off season with the addition of Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis and "that lineup is the best in the American League" and "their pitching is the best in the AL Central" I am sure this is not the start anyone expected. I'm sure they'll turn it around, the season does bring another 156 games. I mean, who am I to talk? The Phillies and Yankees both suck rightnow too.


And now on to the Entertainment Fools:

So, for anyone that reads the bottom of these Dish emails, you know that I once dreamed of being a sportscaster or sports writer. Well, today, I am excited to report, that the call has come. I submitted my work (domsdish.blogspot.com) to the Sports Editors of several papers (Burlington County Times, Trenton Times, Philadelphia Inquirer) and to the editors at ESPN.com and ESPN the Magazine and today I had a message on my phone from Gary Belsky of ESPN the Magazine! We've been in touch via email the last few weeks and he wanted to offer me aposition at The Mag starting May 1! I will be able to work from home with less travel than now with my current job as an IT consultant! I won't divulge the starting salary, but lets just say this is indeed a"Dream Job!" Mr. Belsky encouraged me to keep writing The Dish in the meantime to keep up my skills, so be prepared for now. He was impressed with my work. Thanks all for the support, I'll keep youposted on my progress.

(The names have been removed to protect the innocent)

"Congratulations man. If you ever need help using those press passes, let me know."

"Congratulations man...Looks like everything is coming up SANTILLO in 2008"

"Dom, that is awesome news! I'm really happy and proud for you."

"well done sir, well done."

"CONGRATS! Does this mean you will now get to rub elbows with Ron Jaworski at his Valleybrook Golf Course?"

"OMG CONGRATS DOM you go BOY This could not have happened to a nicer person"

"Thats great news! keep us posted we are soooooo happy for you."

"Don't forget the little people when you make it big. Good Luck!"

"Finding your dream job is like winning the lottery? Hey, can I borrow some money?"

"WOW!!! THAT IS AWESOME! CONGRATS DOM! I'M PROUD OF YOU SANJAY!"

"I only put paper in your sandwiches when you were kids!"

and finally...

"You're an ass... but you had me for a second" - (this was the firstresponse too)

"...well played on picking an actual editor"
Domsdish: "yeah I get [ESPN the] Mag and flipped to pg 10 to get thename. Helps when you do your research."

Yes, yes, it was an April Fool's Joke. I threw it together, packaged up with some facts and put another paragraph together in hopes of fooling you. And what do you know - I actually got the job! No I didn't, still fooling you. I will stay employed as an IT Consultantand NOT be working for ESPN the Magazine. Thanks to all those out there who believed it -meaning two things. A.) You actually read this crap B.) You think this stuff is worth me getting paid.

So, I'll press on writing the Dish as time permits with that goal one day within reach, and then when you see me on ESPN, only then will you believe me and know it's true. Thanks for the kind words everyone!


So, Memphis can actually shoot some free throws? I'll have a full special edition Dish NCAA Men's tournament re-cap mid week, but wow -Kansas and Memphis really took NC and UCLA apart, eh? Tonight's gameshould be an interesting one. Let's go Memphis! (Trying to at least have picked the winner here.) My Women's Bracket was shot after the second round - though seriously, the end of the Tennessee-LSU game was awesome. I tuned in just in time to see Candace Parker drive the length of the floor in about 3.7 seconds before it was tipped in to win it.

So, I'm driving home from dinner the other night - well, let me clarify, I was driving back from getting some Taco Bell and beer. I was chillin out, wearing my Phillies shirt and Eagles knit cap, listening to the Led Zepplin "A to Z" on WMMR (93.3 FM in Philly),which is a band I never really listened to or appreciated - now, I know I'm getting old since I am learning to appreciate them, but I digress. Anyway, driving nice and slow, navigating the streets of my neighborhood at dusk (that means the sun just went down Officer Nic) and just nice and relaxed (hadn't had a beer yet). I'm about to pull up to my house and I see three piles of random color on my lawn, so I'm thinking - who the heck left their garbage on my lawn - then I get closer and see they're in the shape of bodies! HOLY CRAP! The one nearest the curb is white and bright red - I'm thinking - F*** someone got shot on my lawn!? So I freak out for a second, then get evencloser until I realize it's three neighborhood kids wearing three different jackets and hats just laying on my lawn looking at the sky. WHEW! They were like 7-12 years old - that's all I need, if my wife freaked when there was a drive-by 1/4 mile away, what would she think now? I went to pull in the driveway and they started to get up - I rolled down the window "it's ok, you can stay there, you just scared me". Oh to be a kid again! I rolled up the window, put the car in park and cracked up hysterically before going inside to enjoy some beer, tacos and more Led Zep! Even when I don't amuse myself, something amusing happens.


Around the balls: (all-Philly version)

Brown-oblong- We have confirmation that Donovan F. McNabb will not be leaving Philly - straight from the horse's...er, coach/VP's mouth. Andy Reid backed McNabb and stated that no teams have expressed interest in trading for McNabb. With that being said, April 26th's draft can't come quick enough!

White-stitched- Well, the Phillies sure are off to their usual start. I was at the opening Night game last week (the temperature was about 30 with a wind chill of like 10) and they couldn't squeak it out. Their first win came on a walk-off walk, and they're 1-2 with the Reds with one left on Monday. Hopefully they can catch some fire. At least Adam Eaton looked half decent - Charlie Manuel just left him in 1 batter too long on Saturday.

Giant-orange- The Philadelphia Seventy-Sixers actually clinched a playoff spot! I don't watch every game, but any chance I get, I catch some of their play, and let me tell you right now- they're gonna be good. They really don't have superstars yet, but if they can keep Andre Igudola, Andre Miller, Louis Williams, Thaddeus Young and Jason Smith together the next few seasons, expect them to be a 3 or 4 seed in the playoff hunt the next few years. "Put it on the board."

Black-rubber-non- The Flyers made the playoffs too! Holy cow! And even beat the Penguins to close out the season. They vaulted two places from 8th seed to 6th and will face the Washington Capitals, led by Alexander Ovechkin (aka Goal machine). It won't matter if they make it past them, the NJ Devils will beat them in round two. (Although it's not good for the Devils that they have only 1 win in 8 meetings against the Rangers this season, is it?)
Wow, Philly is a sports town!


Program Alert:
NCAA Men's Championship: 9:21pm EDT tip on CBS.
Yes, 9:21PM!!!It's like the Football Championship game being played on January 8th!


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For those new to "the dish", I once dreamed of being a sports-casterhaving my own column. Let me know if you don't like it, and/or wantto be discontinued from the list. If you have another email address tosend it to, send that to me also. For older issues of the dish, emailme. domsdish@gmail.com or go to http://domsdish.blogspot.com

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