Showing posts with label April Fools. Show all posts
Showing posts with label April Fools. Show all posts

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Dom's Dish - Foolin the Fools since 2008 Edition

For those of you out there, that believed I met Jay Cutler: I just got a job working at ESPN!


Perhaps it was a stretch, not everyone was fooled, but I had to utilize my business trip to Denver to my advantage and pleasure!  I really did have an excellent dinner at The Denver Chop House and Brewery.  Jay Cutler could have been there, but apparently the baby was on the phone with his agent Buss Cook and Jerry Angelo, the Chicago Bears GM.

So, biggest story of the NFL off-season thus far is the Jay Cutler trade to Chicago.  Everyone was thinking Detroit, Tampa or the Jets, but apparently they're not as crazy as da Bears.  A team without great receivers, a complete offensive line, a strong secondary and a return man, (yes, I said without each of those)Jerry Angelo and the Chicago Brass sold out, quite literally.  Denver sends Jay Cutler and 2009 5th round pick.  Chicago sends Kyle Orton, 2009 1st Round pick, 2009 3rd Round pick and a 2010 1st Round pick.  Wow.

The Chicago fan's argument is "we're not good with number 1 picks".  Since 2003, it's been so-so for them: 2003 Michael Haynes DE (Penn State) & Rex Grossman QB (Florida), 2004: Tommie Harris DT (Oklahoma), 2005 Cedric Benson RB (Texas), 2006 no pick, 2007 Greg Olsen TE (Miami FL), 2008 Chris Williams OT (Vanderbilt).  I have news for you Bears fans, NO ONE hits on 1st round picks all the time.  Pick  franchise and look - two of the most highly touted "build through the draft teams":  Eagles: 2003 Jerome McDougle DE (Miami FL),  2004 Shawn Andrews OT (Arkansas),  2005 Mike Patterson DT (USC), 2006 Broderick Bunkley DT (Florida State), 2007/2008 no #1 picks - a total of 1 All-Pro's - Shawn Andrews at Guard in 2006.  Patriots: 2003 Ty Warren DT (Texas A&M), 2004 Vince Wilfork DT (Miami FL) & Ben Watson TE (Georgia), 2005 Logan Mankins OG (Fresno State), 2006 Lawrence Maroney RB (Minnesota), 2007 Brandon Merriweather DB (Miami FL), 2008 Jerrod Mayo ILB (Tennessee) - one Defensive Rookie of the Year (Mayo), one second team All-Pro (Mankins).  Aside from The Super Bowl Champion Steelers since 2003: Troy Polamolu, Ben Roethlisberger, Heath Miller, Santonio Holmes, Lawrence Timmons and Rashard Mendenhall.

Ok, so enough listing player names, I like the trade for the Broncos - they practically robbed the Bears.  Kyle Orton was the Bears starter last year and showed a lot of moxy and guts coming back from injury, almost leading the team to the playoffs.  Once touted as a possible 1st round selection at the beginning of his Senior year at Purdue - it's been quite a fall from grace for him, though he had a pretty good year in 2008 - especially from a fantasy perspective - and came back hurt.  Jay Cutler is essentially "Cush" from the movie Jerry Maguire.

Ok so enough football for now.  While I was out in Denver on business, I took in a Denver Nuggets game.  $25 gets you a nosebleed section ticket, but I was quite impressed by the concessions there including the $8 Herradura Margarita I started with and the awesome burger later on.  Oh, one other thing, the give away that night was pretty funny - a Denver Nuggets belt buckle!  What the Frick am I going to do with a belt buckle?!?  I don't think I've ever worn one - even when my mom was dressing me!  The game was against the Knicks.  It was a strange game.  Denver was up by TWENTY SEVEN POINTS early in the second quarter and right after halftime, the New York D'Antoni's cut the lead to TWO!!!  Of course 'Melo was out much of that time, and in the end, Denver won by 12 or something, but they really were toying with them it felt.  Now that we're a week into the playoffs, I really think they may have a shot to take the Lakers to 6 games if they meet - but the Nuggets as a 2 seed are still no where near the Lakers in my opinion.  With LeBron melting his shoes in Cleveland and Detroit, I think it'll be Kobe versus LeBron in an awesome NBA finals.  But all that said, it's BronBron's time - the MVP will be awarded in a few weeks, and a Finals MVP and Championship are soon to follow.

The Philadelphia Eagles made a big trade, addressing Left Tackle to get Jason Peters from the Bills.  Supposedly someone they looked at last year's off season when he was disgruntled in Buffalo.  Not a bad trade moving up in the world based on the pick they got from Carolina this year after trading back last year - AND they got Peters in the deal.  This definiely solidifies their Offensive line with some outstanding reserves (one of whom I think could be moved if a trade is made for Anquan Boldin).  Essentially the two new tackles (LT Peters and RT Stacy Andrews) and center (Jamaal Jackson) as well as RG Shawn Andrews are all set and Todd Heremans, Max Jean-Gilles and Nick Cole are all vying for one position at LG - with some substantial backups.  The Eagles will always grab at least one OLineman in the draft and a few others as undrafted free-agents - that's Andy Reid's M.O.  Most think the 21st pick will garner a RB - likely Knowshon Moreno (a NJ product) and reports have the asking price for Anquan Boldin down to a 2nd rounder!  The Eagles, no doubt, will have a busy weekend.....starting NOW.

A lot more has happened these past few weeks since the Cutler post.  There's only one true way to sum it up....  


Around the Balls:

White-stitched- The Yankees are worried about their #3 pitcher, the Phillies had a scare this week with their Ace, Florida started like a ball of fire and the Washington "Natinals" didn't, 2008 NL Cy Young Tim Lincecum finally won his first game, and Toronto is leading MLB in run differential.  The season is off to an ok start, but much of the news has been around off-season acquisitions, the Phillies losing a broadcasting legend and the fact that attendance is down.  Sure, we all expected the attendace struggles and it will continue through the next month or so - but I'd be willing to say that families will head to the ball park for those "staycations" at home this summer.  Sure, the Yankees probably won't sell out more than once or twice unless they make a playoff run and places hardest hit by the economy like Detroit will have to offer crazy promos to fill the bowl or hope they win 100 games to cover their payroll, but those luxury suites and $2600 tickets out there will be 60% full if that.  It'll be something to watch as the year presses on, just hope for good baseball.

Big-brown-oblong- The weekend is here that we've all been waiting for!  Ok - probably just me, Mel Kiper, Todd McShay, Chris Berman and Mark Sanchez.  It comes on the most beautiful weekend of the year on the East Coast and for sure the temp will be rising in draft "war rooms" across the country.  News early this morning, Matthew Stafford, the rocket-armed quarterback from Georgia has agreed to a contract with the Detroit Lions.  SIX years, $72 MILLION with $41.7 MIL guaranteed!  Wow - he'll play in a place where an automaker owns the naming rights to the field, where GM calls home and reportedly is dumping its Saab, Hummer, Saturn and Pontiac brands (see Edmunds.com), where crime is king (#1 most dangerous city according to Forbes) .  All I have to say is that the NFL owners and the Players union better come to terms on some sort of scale for incoming rookies.  The Free market is great, but I wonder how Detroit can turn that franchise around?  The question will be - is Stafford going to turn out like a Manning or a Ryan Leaf?  He and Calvin Johnson can be a tremendous force, but will they have any other cast around them?  It should prove to be an interesting weekend with the down stream effect of Stafford, Cutler, Mark Sanchez, Anquan Boldin, Braylon Edwards and others.  --> Check out my draft updates over the next 48 hours straight from my Blackberry right here.

Tiny-white-dimpled- Well, the ESPN question before Majors is "Tiger or the Field".  If you took the field for the Masters, you were correct, but got a scare on Sunday morning.  A lot of criticism arose during and soon after Augusta that Tiger is a front-runner, he's never come from behind to win like Jack did in 1983 or something.  He and Phil made a run on Day 4 two weeks ago - but the gap was too wide.  Sure - a similar thing has been said recently about LeBron James - that he couldn't make the big shot to close out games - and King James showed up the media a few times this year.  Not saying Tiger needs to come from behind, nor will he look to achieve this, but I argue he could walk away from the game in the next year and still have a strong argument for the title of "Best Golfer ever".  Sure he hasn't reached the number of Majors Jack Nicholaus has, but he for years crushed the competition.  I'm not buying the whole "Jack played in an era with better golfers" thing - every other sport has improved since the late 1970's/early 80's - why would golf be any different.  The field is stronger now - that's why there isn't one true competitor for Tiger - which again makes my case why he's already achieved T-B-E.

Black-rubber-non- Martin Brodeur has been back, but faltered down the stretch mainly because of some poor play in front of him, although he just did tie the all-time playoff shut-out mark.  Look for the Devils to close out the Hurricanes on Sunday night and get to the Eastern/Wales Conference Finals on the back of Brodeur and Zach Parise.   And holy crap - for those that missed it, check out the goal by Alexander Ovechkin of the Capitals from last night!  Around one guy, through the skates of another, stumbled, kicked the puck to himself then a back-hand shot off balance to score an amazing goal.  Oh the days when watching hockey and dancing in refried beans was cool.

Big-orange-round- The Philly Seventy-sixers are looking strong.  I still can't figure out why their mascot is jacked up ugly bunny, but the team is playing well, up 2-1 on the Orlando Dwight Howards.  Andre Igudola sure was the correct "A.I." to keep and the supporting cast is playing well through their ups and downs.  Just such a hustle-first team that may again only get to the second round this year, but have an amazing base of Igudola, Andre Miller, Samuel Dalembert and Thaddeus Young for the future.  We'll see how 2010 turns out - maybe 55+ wins and a 3 seed?  They'll still be behind the LeBron's - who one day will actually jump feet first through the rim or clear into the 20th row.


Updates:
I will be sending updates live from my location and Blackberry "blogging" with my thoughts throughout the draft over the next 2 days.  Stay right here at Dom's Dish-dot-blogspot-dot-com for all your draft insight!

Links:


Monday, April 7, 2008

Dom's Dish - So many fools, So little time Edition

Dom's Dish - Monday, April 7, 2008


With the second edition of the Dish this month, I am going to exposesome recent "Fools" in sports and entertainment. Without furtherado...

Brett Favre, retired (so he says) QB of the Green Bay Packers - Well it's been more than a month since Brett retired, or has it? After the teary-eyed farewell, word was abound last week that Brett's agent was"putting feelers out" to see if there was interest to have him playfor another team in 2008. The report from a well-respected columnist in Los Angeles is not at all surprising since Brett hasn't filed his retirement papers yet. Now some note that a reason to file is so your pension can kick in and since Brett made millions, it's a moot point. I say, if you're that convincing that you're done, then put them in anyway so the temptation isn't there. Look at Vinny Testaverde - he came back time and time again when sitting on his couch. Imagine Favre wearing a Patriots or Raiders jersey?

Brian McNamee, former trainer to Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite -News came last week that Mr. McNamee was selling "signed items of Roger Clemens" on eBay. This, just a few weeks after fainting behind the wheel of his Lexus in Queens, NY which caused him to hit a bus head on. For those that missed the rest of the news on Brian - he is the trainer who was named in the Mitchell report and had "evidence" of Roger Clemens using HGH and steroids that was sitting in his basement for the past 7 years or so. Riiiiiggghhht.

Tom Crean, Head Coach Indiana University basketball - Big news early last week was that Tom Crean, the former coach at Marquette accepted the head coach vacancy at Indiana University. Perhaps someone should clue Mr. Crean in. Indiana Basketball is not what it once was in the days of Bobby Knight (who, by the way, is hysterical as an analyst on ESPN now) and Isiah Thomas (who, by the way, sucks as a coach and will soon be fired). Indiana as a state hasn't been good at basketball professionally since Reggie Miller (2003-ish) and collegiately since Larry Bird (1979). Before taking the job, didn't Crean even research what had happened this year with Kelvin Sampson's firing and the probable impending sanctions and really recent dismissals? Now I know Marquette did well in the Big East, but why leave now? Also, can someone PLEASE explain how Marquette, of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, is inthe BIG EAST? Irregardless, good luck Crean. I still say you look like Jay Glauber of the NY Daily News.

Brandon Marshall, Wide Receiver Denver Broncos - For those fantasy football gurus, you, like me, probably didn't know who he was until last season week 4 when you picked him up on the Waiver Wire and he led your team to a championship. Ok, maybe not that far, but he worked out well for a second year player. Now, entering his thirdseason Marshall is living up to his "Baby T.O." nickname (I kid you not!) Mid-week he was called out by his fellow 2006 draftee and starting QB Jay Cutler (aka "Coosh"). In an interview Cutler/Coosh let everyone know that "he's not my favorite person right now." Why you ask? Well he's facing possible domestic assault charges from a girlfriend, more charges from a DUI in Colorado, and there's an offseason injury to speak of. About 3 weeks ago he suffered an injury which he said he "slipped on a fast food wrapper" into a TV. Really though, he was horsing around with his brother and the arm went through a TV severing NERVES in his arm, etc. Three months or so of rehab. Fool. I have one word for you Brandon - PLASMA.

Chris Henry, Unemployed Wide Receiver - Formerly of the Cincinnati Bengals AKA Cell Block C, Chris was jailed after another run-in with the law (if you can call it that). He was arrested for assault of an 18 year old man and damaging his property- broke his car window, this a week after an expired license plate. Some more background, he was suspended for 8 games to begin last season after his multiple arrests and detainment for underage drinking, marijuana, DUI's, assault and sexual assault. That's a fine American youth right there. I think he and "Pacman" Jones of the Titans (former teammates together at West Virginia University) have some sort of running bet on how much havoc they can wreak and still remain in the NFL getting paid millions. Well Chris Henry has no team at this point, and I'm sure Commissioner Goodell will add to the already 11 games he's been suspended for in the past (in just 48 regular season games). Give this man a duncecap!

The Detroit Tigers - Well after starting the season 0-3 losing to ever-horrible Kansas City Royals (and our favorite pitcher, Gil Meche- the $55 million man), it couldn't have gotten worse...until losing to another in-division team, the Chicago I can't find my White Sox. I think the Beatles sang "You can't buy me love" - well someone should let the Tigers' GM know money can't buy them wins. Sorry, make that ONE win. With all the noise they made in the off season with the addition of Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis and "that lineup is the best in the American League" and "their pitching is the best in the AL Central" I am sure this is not the start anyone expected. I'm sure they'll turn it around, the season does bring another 156 games. I mean, who am I to talk? The Phillies and Yankees both suck rightnow too.


And now on to the Entertainment Fools:

So, for anyone that reads the bottom of these Dish emails, you know that I once dreamed of being a sportscaster or sports writer. Well, today, I am excited to report, that the call has come. I submitted my work (domsdish.blogspot.com) to the Sports Editors of several papers (Burlington County Times, Trenton Times, Philadelphia Inquirer) and to the editors at ESPN.com and ESPN the Magazine and today I had a message on my phone from Gary Belsky of ESPN the Magazine! We've been in touch via email the last few weeks and he wanted to offer me aposition at The Mag starting May 1! I will be able to work from home with less travel than now with my current job as an IT consultant! I won't divulge the starting salary, but lets just say this is indeed a"Dream Job!" Mr. Belsky encouraged me to keep writing The Dish in the meantime to keep up my skills, so be prepared for now. He was impressed with my work. Thanks all for the support, I'll keep youposted on my progress.

(The names have been removed to protect the innocent)

"Congratulations man. If you ever need help using those press passes, let me know."

"Congratulations man...Looks like everything is coming up SANTILLO in 2008"

"Dom, that is awesome news! I'm really happy and proud for you."

"well done sir, well done."

"CONGRATS! Does this mean you will now get to rub elbows with Ron Jaworski at his Valleybrook Golf Course?"

"OMG CONGRATS DOM you go BOY This could not have happened to a nicer person"

"Thats great news! keep us posted we are soooooo happy for you."

"Don't forget the little people when you make it big. Good Luck!"

"Finding your dream job is like winning the lottery? Hey, can I borrow some money?"

"WOW!!! THAT IS AWESOME! CONGRATS DOM! I'M PROUD OF YOU SANJAY!"

"I only put paper in your sandwiches when you were kids!"

and finally...

"You're an ass... but you had me for a second" - (this was the firstresponse too)

"...well played on picking an actual editor"
Domsdish: "yeah I get [ESPN the] Mag and flipped to pg 10 to get thename. Helps when you do your research."

Yes, yes, it was an April Fool's Joke. I threw it together, packaged up with some facts and put another paragraph together in hopes of fooling you. And what do you know - I actually got the job! No I didn't, still fooling you. I will stay employed as an IT Consultantand NOT be working for ESPN the Magazine. Thanks to all those out there who believed it -meaning two things. A.) You actually read this crap B.) You think this stuff is worth me getting paid.

So, I'll press on writing the Dish as time permits with that goal one day within reach, and then when you see me on ESPN, only then will you believe me and know it's true. Thanks for the kind words everyone!


So, Memphis can actually shoot some free throws? I'll have a full special edition Dish NCAA Men's tournament re-cap mid week, but wow -Kansas and Memphis really took NC and UCLA apart, eh? Tonight's gameshould be an interesting one. Let's go Memphis! (Trying to at least have picked the winner here.) My Women's Bracket was shot after the second round - though seriously, the end of the Tennessee-LSU game was awesome. I tuned in just in time to see Candace Parker drive the length of the floor in about 3.7 seconds before it was tipped in to win it.

So, I'm driving home from dinner the other night - well, let me clarify, I was driving back from getting some Taco Bell and beer. I was chillin out, wearing my Phillies shirt and Eagles knit cap, listening to the Led Zepplin "A to Z" on WMMR (93.3 FM in Philly),which is a band I never really listened to or appreciated - now, I know I'm getting old since I am learning to appreciate them, but I digress. Anyway, driving nice and slow, navigating the streets of my neighborhood at dusk (that means the sun just went down Officer Nic) and just nice and relaxed (hadn't had a beer yet). I'm about to pull up to my house and I see three piles of random color on my lawn, so I'm thinking - who the heck left their garbage on my lawn - then I get closer and see they're in the shape of bodies! HOLY CRAP! The one nearest the curb is white and bright red - I'm thinking - F*** someone got shot on my lawn!? So I freak out for a second, then get evencloser until I realize it's three neighborhood kids wearing three different jackets and hats just laying on my lawn looking at the sky. WHEW! They were like 7-12 years old - that's all I need, if my wife freaked when there was a drive-by 1/4 mile away, what would she think now? I went to pull in the driveway and they started to get up - I rolled down the window "it's ok, you can stay there, you just scared me". Oh to be a kid again! I rolled up the window, put the car in park and cracked up hysterically before going inside to enjoy some beer, tacos and more Led Zep! Even when I don't amuse myself, something amusing happens.


Around the balls: (all-Philly version)

Brown-oblong- We have confirmation that Donovan F. McNabb will not be leaving Philly - straight from the horse's...er, coach/VP's mouth. Andy Reid backed McNabb and stated that no teams have expressed interest in trading for McNabb. With that being said, April 26th's draft can't come quick enough!

White-stitched- Well, the Phillies sure are off to their usual start. I was at the opening Night game last week (the temperature was about 30 with a wind chill of like 10) and they couldn't squeak it out. Their first win came on a walk-off walk, and they're 1-2 with the Reds with one left on Monday. Hopefully they can catch some fire. At least Adam Eaton looked half decent - Charlie Manuel just left him in 1 batter too long on Saturday.

Giant-orange- The Philadelphia Seventy-Sixers actually clinched a playoff spot! I don't watch every game, but any chance I get, I catch some of their play, and let me tell you right now- they're gonna be good. They really don't have superstars yet, but if they can keep Andre Igudola, Andre Miller, Louis Williams, Thaddeus Young and Jason Smith together the next few seasons, expect them to be a 3 or 4 seed in the playoff hunt the next few years. "Put it on the board."

Black-rubber-non- The Flyers made the playoffs too! Holy cow! And even beat the Penguins to close out the season. They vaulted two places from 8th seed to 6th and will face the Washington Capitals, led by Alexander Ovechkin (aka Goal machine). It won't matter if they make it past them, the NJ Devils will beat them in round two. (Although it's not good for the Devils that they have only 1 win in 8 meetings against the Rangers this season, is it?)
Wow, Philly is a sports town!


Program Alert:
NCAA Men's Championship: 9:21pm EDT tip on CBS.
Yes, 9:21PM!!!It's like the Football Championship game being played on January 8th!


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For those new to "the dish", I once dreamed of being a sports-casterhaving my own column. Let me know if you don't like it, and/or wantto be discontinued from the list. If you have another email address tosend it to, send that to me also. For older issues of the dish, emailme. domsdish@gmail.com or go to http://domsdish.blogspot.com